Balancing Boundaries: Why Oversharing Is Hurting Us and How to Stop

 Hello World ! I was wondering what can I write about today, thought oversharing is a wonderful topic to talk about. But I am someone who gets caught with oversharing very often. I overshare and then wonder if that was good. Never mind, as I write this, I need to understand that oversharing might be something different than what I thought it is. So I am just going to write a little about oversharing, will follow the same framework, the what, the why and the how.

So what is oversharing really? the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of detail about one's personal life. 

Google defines oversharing as the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of detail about one's personal life. Okay, so this is a very broad definition of oversharing. So we need to understand what's the appropriate amount of information and what's inappropriate. Sometimes we all get confused with what oversharing means in different contexts of our lives, we confuse oversharing with being vulnerable. For an example, sharing something vulnerable about how you feel about something with your spouse, or parents is not oversharing. But sharing the same thing about how you feel about certain things with your work colleague is oversharing. Sharing a valuable advice to a friend or a colleague is not oversharing, but sharing more advice than is required is. So that's how we can define oversharing. Moreover, one thing we can think about when talking about oversharing is that, we always want to define the context and define what is appropriate to share and what's inappropriate to share. Once we define that, only then we would be able to truly understand the meaning of oversharing. 
Now that we understand the meaning of oversharing, why should we really cut down on oversharing with people: 

1. Boundaries and Privacy: 

When you overshare stuff, we forget the concept of boundaries and privacy. Sometimes when we tell too much about ourselves, or tend to make people too friendly at work place, the concept of boundaries becomes too blurry. When people don't know their boundaries, they won't be able to respect you. When you overshare, they feel like it's okay with so and so person to make him/her disrespected. But when we don't overshare stuff, it's easy to understand that you have a private space and so does the other person. Asking something too personal about someone at work will also create ambiguity in the boundaries. 

Privacy: Think about it, the more people know about you, the more can be used against you. Now, I am not saying don't be open and friendly and lovable, what I am saying is to hold your privacy private. For an example, think of a company like Apple, which believe in secrecy, keeping everything secret to the point that even employees don't know what they are working on. Because of that kind of secrecy, no one is able to replicate what apple has done with the iPhone or the Mac. Similarly, if someone knew about what kind of products they are developing, the competition can get started with a similar product of theirs early and that will certainly diminish the value of apple. So privacy is security as well. Oversharing is not. 

2. Social Discomfort: Not everyone will be able to handle your feelings well. Oversharing can create discomfort and awkwardness while handling your feelings. 

3. Judgement and Misunderstandings: 

Irrespective of what you overshare, people will start judging you based on the things that you overshare. For an example, if you say something like I slept last night at 4:00 am, it's very easy to judge that you might be late to sleep every time. Maybe that means you would not take your work too seriously, it's very easy to judge people in that way. However, it's important to realise that all of these judgements would never come if you didn't share in the first place. 

4. Lack of control over the narrative: 

Once your information is shared, one cannot control how it's spread or to whom this information is spread. Oversharing can sometimes burden you with unwanted criticism, unwanted judgements that you don't or sometimes misconstrued information. Imagine when information is spread, it goes from A to B with some masala, B will send to C and then C will forward it ahead. But by the time Z reaches the information, that information would be so misconstrued formed by the opinions of so many people. So one would never have great control over the narrative. 

5. Exhaustion and Burnout: 

Sometimes oversharing information to more people will lead you to an emotional burnout. When you have issues, you need to be vulnerable with someone you trust, not the whole world. It would be really stupid to tell your vulnerabilities with everyone, but very smart to tell your vulnerabilities with only some people. 

Ultimately, the key is balance. It’s important to share when necessary, but also to recognize when it’s too much or when the context isn’t right. Having trusted friends or professionals to confide in, rather than oversharing broadly, can help protect your emotional well-being and strengthen your relationships.

Now, what are the ways that we can develop a way to not overshare. So here are some practical ways in my mind that will allow you to stop oversharing : 

1. Be a listener : People don't love great speakers, people do love great listeners. For the most part, when you truly listen to the people, the pressure to have a conversation or the pressure to stay relevant will be lost. The best conversationalists are the best listeners. Moreover, when you listen, you are taking away your pressure of oversharing as well. The focus is on the other person and not on you. 

2. Share with people whom you trust: We all want to share information, we all want connection, but sharing doesn't mean opening all your vulnerabilities with random people. It means opening up with the folks you are going to trust. For example, your friends and your family. This list should not be more than 5 people or rather we shouldn't be rigid here, but the list should only have people you truly trust in your lives. 

3. Ask questions: When you ask a question, you suddenly put the pressure back to others. You are not supposed to answer everything. Especially, about your personal life, no one needs to know everything that is going in your personal life good or bad. Not everyone wishes good for you in this world. It's the bitter truth, but it's the truth. 

4. Understand the context: Understand the context of a situation, sometimes you are at a friend's place for a Diwali party, sometimes you are at home with your family and sometimes you are out with your colleagues, everything that you share during such a time is going to make a difference. Sharing the same thing in different context means different things. For example, if you share you are not feeling well and don't have the energy to work, it's cool in your family and with some friends. But if you share the same thing with your colleagues, it could very well mean that it will take you away from some of the opportunities you were supposed to get. So, know the context thoroughly, and only then open your mouth. I am not asking here to stay shy and don't participate in conversations, participate in conversations and contribute value to it as well. But just make sure that the thing is of real value. 

At the end of the day, I will leave you with one quote: 

Read this properly. Stop oversharing. Stop telling everything about your life to others. Our constant need for approval from virtual strangers is somewhat problematic. If we refrain from sharing a situation, it doesn't become any less valid or exciting. Rather, it becomes more personal & valuable.