The Path to Inner Peace: Tolstoy’s Wisdom on Love, Responsibility, and Forgiveness

 I was at Dhirubhai Ambani medical hospital and was reading some of the quotes there. As I read this quote, I absolutely started loving what I read. "If you make it a habit not to blame others, you will feel the growth of the ability to love in your soul, and you will see the growth of goodness in your life." Such a profound and a thought to write about. Imagine you live your entire life without blaming anyone for anything. All that is responsible for your life is you. If you break down this quote, you will realise that if you make it a habit not to blame others. Make it a habit to not blame others. No you going into a toxic relationship is your fault. You losing a cricket game is your fault. You not doing well at something is your fault. And even all of your failed relationships are your fault. I think that's the beauty of life. No blaming, no complaining. We all complain sometimes about the traffic in the world, the noise in the world and sometimes even the stupidy of the world. I feel like blaming and complaining just takes away your own power to change. If you say that something went wrong in your life, think about what were your own mistakes, dwell upon them but don't blame anyone in your life. That's not how life works. Now, the second statement says that you will feel the growth of the ability to love in your soul. 

It's natural that you will feel the growth in your ability to love in your soul. Isn't that a very obvious thing. You don't blame someone for anything and because of that you will take responsibility for your own life. Once you take responsibility, you will start to change certain things in your end. If you lose a cricket match, you accept the defeat and take responsibility and change for your strategy for the next game. Blaming your team mates, blaming your captain will not help. So you see growth when you stop blaming others. 

As love grows within us, so does the ability to see goodness around us. We start focusing on solutions instead of problems, seeing lessons instead of failures, and embracing gratitude instead of resentment. This mindset shift attracts more positivity, deepens our relationships, and enhances our overall well-being.

In essence, by eliminating blame, we cultivate emotional maturity, love, and wisdom, leading to a more fulfilling and harmonious life.

Let us forgive each other, only then we will live in peace. Such a simple quote again. When we forgive others, we let go of resentment and free ourselves. We are completely whole just the way we are and we don't want any external validation. I think that's where our life becomes better. 

Forgiveness is the foundation of inner peace and harmony in relationships. Holding onto grudges or past hurts creates emotional baggage that weighs us down, fueling negativity, resentment, and even conflict. When we forgive, we free ourselves from this burden, making space for healing and growth.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or condoning wrongdoings; rather, it is a conscious choice to release anger and bitterness. It allows us to break free from the cycle of blame and revenge, replacing it with understanding and acceptance.

True peace, whether in personal relationships, communities, or even at a global level, can only exist when we let go of past wounds and embrace empathy. When both sides forgive, trust and harmony can be restored, leading to deeper connections and a more compassionate world.

In the end, forgiveness is not just a gift we give to others; it is a gift we give to ourselves, a path to true inner peace.

This thought highlights the essence of unconditional love, accepting someone for who they truly are rather than trying to mold them into our own expectations or ideals. True love is not about control, correction, or comparison; it is about embracing a person with all their strengths, flaws, and uniqueness.

Often, people fall into the trap of loving an idea of someone rather than the person themselves. They may try to change their partner, friend, or family member to fit their own version of "perfect." However, genuine love thrives on acceptance, not conditions. When love is based on expectations, it becomes fragile—dependent on the other person meeting certain criteria. But when love is given freely, without the need for change, it becomes unshakable.

This does not mean we should ignore growth or positive change in a relationship. Instead, it means that love should not be contingent on someone becoming who we want them to be. Growth should come from personal desire, not from external pressure.

When we love someone as they are, we create a space of trust and security. We allow them to be their authentic selves, which fosters a deeper connection and mutual respect. This kind of love is liberating, both for the giver and the receiver—it is love in its purest form.

Now the question is how do we practically create this type of space? 

1. Practice active listening: 

When we truly listen to someone, without judgment or interruption, we make them feel heard and valued. Listen not just to respond, but to understand their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

2. Let Go of Expectations: 

It’s natural to have expectations in relationships, but rigid expectations can turn love into a transaction. Instead of expecting someone to act a certain way, focus on appreciating who they already are

3. Respect individuality: 

Recognize that your partner, friend, or family member has their own dreams, values, and perspectives. Support their growth without trying to mold them into your vision of who they should be.

4. Create a judgement free zone: 

People feel safe when they know they won’t be criticized for their flaws or mistakes. Foster an environment where vulnerability is met with kindness rather than judgment.

5. Communicate openly and honestly: 

Honest conversations build trust. Express your thoughts and feelings with kindness, and encourage the other person to do the same. Avoid passive-aggressiveness or unspoken resentment.

6. Celebrate differences: 

Rather than seeing differences as problems, view them as strengths that add richness to the relationship. Love doesn’t mean we have to agree on everything, it means we respect each other despite the differences.

7. Allow room for growth, but don't force it: 

Support the person in their personal journey, but don’t try to control their pace of growth. Change should come from self-awareness, not pressure from someone else.

8. Offer love without conditions: 

Don’t withhold affection, appreciation, or kindness based on whether the other person meets certain criteria. Show love simply because you care, not as a reward for behavior that pleases you.

9. Practice self-awareness: 

Sometimes, our desire to change others comes from our own insecurities or unmet needs. Reflect on whether your expectations are fair or if they stem from personal fears or conditioning.

10. Embrace imperfections: 

Nobody is perfect. Love means accepting flaws, forgiving mistakes, and growing together. When you acknowledge your own imperfections, it becomes easier to extend the same grace to others.

By integrating these practices into daily interactions, we create a safe, loving space where relationships can flourish authentically. Love, in its purest form, is not about possession or control—it’s about freedom, acceptance, and deep connection.