The Truth About Love: A Battle, A War, A Growing Up

 I am not super sure on what to write today, but I know I will be writing about something. Whatever that something is. In fact, this time the structure will be the same, the what, the why and the how. It's been a while that I made a blog with complete authenticity. But I feel this is the right time to have a blog with complete authenticity. We need to have more and more of such blogs where we have authenticity. I am not even going to lie. But I need to understand what is love. What is love truly and how do we even have more of it. So I think love is beyond all of us. Love is not just a person. Love can be anything, but I can go more deeper, because love in itself is a feeling. 

This is so true. Love is what you've been through with somebody. I really like this quote because a lot of times we confuse love with the good days. Of course the good old days. But I think what he says here is love is what you've been through with somebody. It's about the bad days. The tough days where you don't feel like yourself. It's about letting yourself be seen and heard. It's the dark days and sticking through the dark days that defines love. Not the good days. Not the sunny days. It's about seeing them at their worst and still recognizing their best. I think love is about that. For love to last, what's important is you go through the tough parts of love and stick. Not the easy parts. But the hard parts. The difficult moments. The moments where we felt like we will run away and go. However, we decide to stick. That's what love is. Going through with somebody is what love really is. 

This is going to be super deep. Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. We often imagine love as something clean and complete spark, a perfect match, a happily-ever-after. From movies, stories, and daydreams, we’re taught to believe that love starts when two people meet and ends either in bliss or heartbreak. But James Baldwin challenges that idea. He suggests that love is not a neat timeline or a tidy story arc. It's not a destination, it’s a transformation.

Love is a battle.
Not in the sense of constant conflict, but as a struggle against ego, fear, and expectation. Real love demands vulnerability, and opening oneself up means risking hurt. It means standing your ground for what matters, fighting through miscommunication, and confronting parts of yourself you’d rather avoid. It takes effort, not just affection.

Love is a war.
Not with your partner, but with the illusions we carry. Love wages war on our fantasies of perfection, our instinct to possess, our desire for control. It forces us to dismantle the walls we've built to protect ourselves. In that war, there are casualties, our selfishness, our insecurities, our need to always be right. It's a war that, if we're brave enough, leads us to something deeper and truer.

Love is a growing up.
It matures us. It calls us out of childhood notions of romance and into the real, raw, and often uncomfortable work of building connection. Love teaches us patience, forgiveness, sacrifice, and grace. It exposes our flaws and asks us to evolve. In growing with someone else, we grow ourselves.

So no, love isn’t what we’ve been told. It’s harder. But it’s also richer, more profound. It’s not just about passion or compatibility, it’s about courage, growth, and the willingness to be changed.

Practical concepts of love: 

1. Communicate Honestly and Frequently: 

• Don't assume your partner or loved one knows what you're thinking or feeling.
• Set regular check-ins to talk, even about small things.
• Use “I” statements (“I feel…”, “I need…”) rather than blaming (“You never…”).
• Listen to understand, not just to reply.

Why it matters:
Communication is the bridge between hearts. Without it, love becomes guesswork.

2. Show up consistently: 

• Be reliable. Do what you say you will.

• Show love even on the days you’re tired or frustrated.

• Celebrate their wins, support them in losses.
  

Why it matters:
Love grows in the everyday, in the “showing up” again and again.

3. Practice Small Acts of Care:

• Bring them coffee. Write a note. Make their favorite meal.
• Send a voice message saying you miss them.
• Hug them for more than 6 seconds (it lowers stress and increases bonding).
  

Why it matters:
Love doesn’t always need grand gestures. It thrives in the quiet, unnoticed moments

4. Give space and respect boundaries: 

• Let each person have time for their own interests and solitude.
• Respect when they say “no” or need time to process.
• Don't try to fix them, love them as they are.

Why it matters:
Love suffocates in control. It flourishes with freedom and trust.

5. Apologize well, forgive deeply: 

• Own your mistakes without defensiveness.
• Don’t just say “I’m sorry,” say what you’re sorry for.
• Forgive without keeping score.

Why it matters:
Resentment kills love. Humility and forgiveness allow it to heal and deepen.

6. Stay Curious About Each Other:

• Ask open-ended questions. “What’s been on your mind lately?"
• Be interested in their evolving dreams, fears, and passions.
• Grow together, not just beside each other.

Why it matters:
People change. Falling in love again and again with the evolving version of someone keeps the bond alive.

7. Choose love everyday: 

• Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a decision, a practice.
• Some days you won’t “feel” in love, love anyway.
• Stay when it’s easier to withdraw.

Why it matters:
The depth of love is revealed in the days you choose it, even when it’s hard.