Kill the Ego. Build the Self

 I found a beautiful book called as Ego is the enemy. A lot of times we think that we know everything. However, the truth is that we don't know everything all the time. It's our ego that tells us that we know everything. So I decided to read some books on the ego and there's a book by Ryan Holiday, ego is the enemy. He has written some really good stuff about ego and why is it an enemy for all of us. In fact ego will make us forget who we are at times. So let's take a look at a few quotes from Ryan Holiday who's talking about ego. 

The ego is your enemy, not your friend. It is the ego that gives you wounds and hurts you. It is the ego that makes you violent, angry, jealous, competitive. It is the ego that is continuously comparing and feeling miserable. So interesting. Now if you think about it, let's say a girl in your life rejects you. You will feel a bit wounded. But the hurt that comes is not from the girl. But it's the ego that says how can she reject me. Of course she can. She has all the rights to reject you. So it's correct. The second idea is it makes you violent, angry, jealous, competitive. Which is also true, a girl rejects you, you take it a bit too personally. This way you get violent and angry. Moreover, you also get jealous of the other guy she rejected you for. I'm sure she might have seen something in the other guy. But the idea that makes you feel angry is your ego telling you that she rejected you. Moreover, it also makes you feel jealous and competitive towards her. So it's still your ego that is doing that for you. Imagine saying to yourself that you don't know something. Maybe you messed up while dating. Maybe there was a mistake that you did. All of that is not something that your ego will accept. So that's why you don't take responsibility. This is just a simple example. However, it can make you go mad around this idea. 

Sometimes your ego is your greatest enemy. Your ability to keep your ego in check will help you handle situations effectively. I think this also true. Imagine when you are egoistic. You won't be able to learn anything new. In fact, it will just drown you more and more. Your ego will keep telling you that you are greater than the entire world but in fact you are not. You're a very small thing in the context of the whole universe and Earth. Someone who has a lot of ego, will never be curious. Someone with ego will have a difficulty saying that I don't know. I feel there are a lot of things in life that are going to come and go. Ebb and flow. People with a high amount of ego will not be able to handle adversity well. People with high amount of ego will also not be able to say I don't know very easily. 

Every time you sit down to work, remind yourself: I am delaying gratification by doing this. I truly like this idea. A lot of times we want success today and today itself. However, when you delay gratification, you will realize that you can be a lot more happy by delaying your gratification by working. Going to the gym is delaying your gratification. Eating right is delaying your gratification about sugar and calories. Saying no is also delaying gratification. Doing the right thing in the moment irrespective of the urges that you have is delaying gratification. Anything that you do for the greater good of mankind is also delaying gratification. 

At its core, delayed gratification is the act of resisting an immediate reward in favor of a later, often greater, reward. Every time you sit down to do deep work, you're training your mind to say:

“Not now. Something better is coming if I stay the course.”

Whether you're studying, coding, building, writing, or planning, you’re choosing growth over comfort, mastery over momentary pleasure.

The knowledge that you gain today, are going to be the foundation for tomorrow's innovation. The skills you refine today lead to excellence that others can't match overnight. The effort that you take today builds momentum, which is incredibly hard to replicate. 

Think: long-term consistency > short-term intensity.

As you do the work, you are also shifting your identity. Instead of chasing dopamine on social media, you are doing something meaningful. You are building your identity around a purpose. 

Each focused session makes you:

• Less reactive, more intentional.

• Less addicted to dopamine hits, more aligned with your vision.

• Less distracted, more internally grounded.

Final Thought: 

In a world obsessed with quick likes, fast food, and overnight success, you become rare by doing this:

Sitting down, doing the work, quietly. Every single day.

So yes—every time you work, you're not just progressing a task.
You're making a silent, powerful declaration:

"I am choosing to matter tomorrow, not just feel good today."

That’s how greatness is built—one delayed gratification at a time.

Damn so beautiful. When we remove ego, we're left with what is real. What replaces ego is humility, yes but rock-hard humility and confidence. Whereas ego is artificial, this type of confidence can hold weight. Ego is stolen. Confidence is earned. So beautiful.

 

When ego fades, clarity enters. You see yourself and others more honestly. You're no longer driven by the need to prove, you’re moved by the need to grow.

Rock-hard humility means:

• You don’t brag, but you know your worth.

• You’re open to learning, but you’re not spineless.

• You accept feedback without defensiveness—but you don’t get walked on. 

Humility is not thinking less of yourself—it’s thinking of yourself less, so you can grow more.

The question is how is ego built on. Ego is built on external validation. Not your own internal security. Ego is built on comparison and an image that you project to the world. However, true confidence is not that.  The kind of confidence that comes from "ego" is deflated and hollow. One failure, one criticism and it collapses. But real confidence is built on hardwork. True hardwork. Reps in the dark, honest self reflection and staying consistent even when no one's watching. 

Ego is stolen because:

• It borrows from others’ praise.

• It lives in the perception others have of you.

• It thrives on spotlight and applause.

But confidence is earned:

• In the grind no one sees.

• In the failures you grow from.

• In the moments you keep showing up when it’s not easy, sexy, or rewarded.

Final Thought: Truth Over Image

When you let go of ego, you stop playing for appearances and start living in truth.
You’re not here to impress.
You’re here to express, to build, and to become.

And in that space, where rock-hard humility meets earned confidence, you find something rare:

Unshakable peace. Unstoppable growth. Unapologetic authenticity.

That’s where the real power lives.

Now the question is that how do we achieve this true confidence practically. In my personal opinion, it's work. Lots and lots of work. Moreover, it's not just about the work that you do for your team or your profession. It's a lot of inner work as well. It's a lot of ability to thrive during hardships. So go ahead and live your life ahead. Not behind. 

Practical Steps: 

1. Show up consistently: I think this is extremely important. Sometimes we lose ourselves in the process and because of emotional problems we are unable to show up consistently, especially during hard times. So get up and show up consistently at your work, in your relationships, with your friends or wherever you are living. Show up in the gym consistently. Have your diet well and be consistent about it. 

2. Do the inner work: The real peace begins when you have done the inner work. In fact it's the inner world that shapes your outer world. Sit with uncomfortable emotions instead of numbing them.Heal your old wounds instead of blaming it on to someone else. Build awareness around your patterns and triggers. 

3. Thrive in hardship: Life will get tough. There will be a day when things are not going your way. 

• Show up when it’s tough.

• Keep going when it’s uncertain.

• Choose growth over comfort.

Hardships aren’t just things to survive, they are training grounds for your future self.

4. Detach from the outcome, attach to the effort: 

Most people feel confident only when they succeed. However true confidence comes from being independent of the results. The good or the bad. The effort is what truly counts. 

Because it’s based on what you can control:

• Your effort

• Your preparation

• Your attitude

This gives you power, even when outcomes don’t go your way.

Confidence says: “No matter what happens—I will be okay because I’ve built myself.”

5. Let go of the past:  Understand that whatever has happened in your past, it's happened. You can't change it, neither can I nor can anyone rather. So one has to live in the present moment. Do not let old stories define who you really are. In fact, clinging on to the old stories will give you more pain than anything else. Today is a new day and an opportunity to start again.

6. Earn it, don't fake it: Real confidence does not come from praises or external validation. Rather it comes from earning it through hardwork and effort. It's the grind that no one has seen and the work that you put in that no one has seen. It's the quite moments where you have stayed with what you are feeling rather than running away from it. It's the difficult moments. Not the moments where you couldn't survive. But the moments where you could survive. You've survived a heartbreak. A difficult day. A failure. Then you will come stronger on the other side of it. Remember your image is an outcome of the work that you have put in.