Why Labeling Emotions Sets You Free

 There was a security meeting for the product we were developing. As the security meeting went by, I was not speaking too much during the meeting. Somewhere down the line, I was just holding in and just listening in the meeting. This process of just understanding the meeting really helped. But no one really knew what I was doing. Whether I was contributing to the meeting or just passively listening. Now, there was another meeting where we were just collecting our thoughts. When we started collecting our thoughts, that's when I spoke and I started with I was feeling a bit too shy to talk about it. Somehow just saying and labelling that emotion, normalised it. I was able to speak after that. Moreover, I was able to speak with clarity structure and thoughtfulness. That's when I discovered this formula: Feel it, label it, and speak it out loud. Try it next time with your friends, the moment you feel a bit too shy, start with I was feeling a bit too shy to say this, and then go on and say it. It means that you are creating a safe space for people to be shy and you are saying it's okay to be shy. 

As someone who has been shy, but also not shy at all, I think it's important to know that it's okay to feel shy. It's okay to feel angry. It's okay to feel what you feel. When you label the emotion, you somehow come out of your head. You are then in the moment. You are not worried about who judges you in which way, because you speak what your heart wants to speak. 

Spot the feeling: 

Like I previously said, spot the feeling. Spot what you are feeling inside. If it's anger, confusion, or shyness, I recommend starting with shyness as that's a safer feeling to speak about. Anger and confusion at work place does not really seem right. Now say, "I am feeling a bit shy to say this, and then go ahead and say this.". This does 2 things, first of all, it tells to the people that it's okay to be a bit vulnerable but not too much. Second, it lets you come out of your mind and instead of saying to yourself that I am feeling shy, you let that feeling out. Spot that feeling first is the thing. 

Label the feeling: 

The next step is to label and say out loud. In this case, "I am feeling shy.". Now when you label and say that feeling, it's pretty obvious that you will feel okay to speak something. Don't worry about the outcome on a moment to moment basis. 

Emotion loses its power

There is something really strong about it. When you label the emotion, the emotion that you are talking about, naturally loses its power. Be it fear, be it shyness, be it anxiety, etc. 

Science of why labelling makes the emotion lose it's power

There are a few mechanisms at play. First, language processing requires cognitive resources, so engaging your verbal brain literally redirects mental energy away from the emotional response. Second, naming something gives you a sense of control and understanding, emotions feel less threatening when they're identified and bounded. Third, labeling helps you externalize the feeling rather than being consumed by it. You shift from "I am shy" to "I'm experiencing shyness", a subtle but powerful reframing.

This is also why therapy techniques like cognitive behavioural therapy and mindfulness practices emphasize emotional awareness and naming. You've essentially discovered a core principle of emotional intelligence: acknowledge, name, and then you can navigate the feeling rather than being overwhelmed by it.

Anger

Imagine you are waking by and someone said something really insulting to you. Maybe someone said, "Hey, you look fat today". Maybe that triggered and insecurity and suddenly you started feeling angry towards that person. Now like I said, you first spotted that you are feeling angry. Take a deep breath. Tell yourself it's okay to feel angry. And contain the emotion or the need to react to it at that point. Now there are multiple situations here: If you feel that this is a friend and you can say that I felt angry when you said..... complete the sentence, you should be fine. But what if it's not ? What if you are angry at your manager ? If you say, I felt angry when you did...... , this can very well backfire. So we want to cultivate output methods that are not about speaking all the time. But about knowing your emotion but channeling and outputting in different way. 

Different types of output: 

In the example above, what are the different types of output that you have. As discussed earlier, the first output is speaking to the person itself. But what if that's not possible in that particular case. 

1. Working harder: Sometimes that anger might be frustration due to something that's not working. You can always look at the example of Virat Kohli. He is someone who is aggressive by nature. He channels all his anger by working harder. For him working harder, means batting in the nets, going to the gym, being expressive on the field, etc. Now how Kohli transforms that emotion to greatness.

2. Gym: If you have a lot of anger trapped inside you, you should just go to the gym. It's found that when you lift weights, you actually release endorphins that will make you feel better. So why not go to the gym and lift weights that are really heavy. All your anger will go away.

3. Writing: Just like speaking, writing is another output medium that you have. I felt angry when you did..... is the template for speaking. So that's the similar template for writing also. Just write that down in your journal or someplace where you read. Just you. It does not have to be perfect English. It just have to be normal English. 

A channel for output needs to be there: 

No matter what kind of channel you want, but a channel of output for all of your emotions needs to be there. Whether that's anger, whether that's love, whether that's happiness, whether that's sadness, when you label the emotion and put it in the output, the truth is it will lose power. 

Emotion Journal: 

I felt happy today because..... I felt sad today because .... . I felt grateful today as a result of... I felt a bit shy when talking to the girl...... I felt anxious today as a result of ..... Now the point is that when you write these feelings down, you will first of all externalise it. You will tell yourself that it's okay to feel this way and most importantly you will not be in your head. It needs to be private if you like, it can be public if you like. 

Taking your time

Sometimes responding immediately is not the best solution if something is triggering you. Maybe there's a person who triggered you really badly, what's the best thing you can do. Maybe the reason of trigger is you and not the person. In such cases, take your time, I felt angry because you did this, is the wrong framework, and unintentionally puts the blame on another person. Rather a better way to have an output would be, "I am feeling a bit angry now, let me process my emotion and get back to you.". Sometimes we just feel angry in the moment, maybe someone spoke to you rudely or the way someone spoke was not right, in that moment, the best thing to do is to take your time. Maybe the intention of the person weren't wrong and it's your insecurity that triggered it more than the person themselves. So learn to take time. 

Case study 2:

This is where things get spicy, and I'm sure you might have experienced this. Someone very attractive is standing next to you and you freeze because of anxiety. It's happened to me as well. Now imagine you label your emotion and suddenly you say something like, "I am just feeling anxious right now." You can say it's because of their attraction or you just label that you are feeling anxious.

Suddenly, once the feeling is acknowledged, you'll feel it's okay to feel anxious. Here's why that matters: if you can feel anxiousness, you can also feel excitement and a rush of adrenaline. It means your emotional system is working. You're alive and engaged, not numb.

Everyone experiences this differently, some people feel social anxiety more intensely, some less, regardless of gender. The triggers vary, the intensity varies, but the mechanism is the same. The point isn't to compare who feels what more, but to recognize that naming the feeling works for anyone.

The point is that labelling will make you feel better and more authentically you.

It also does another thing: it will make you less performative. When you acknowledge "I'm feeling anxious," you stop trying to project some flawless version of yourself. You stop performing. Instead, you become authentically you, and that's often what makes real connection possible. People respond to realness, not to someone pretending they have it all together.

It also does another thing, i.e it will make you less performative. It will make you authentically you. 

When you're not hiding behind a facade of confidence you don't feel, you can actually connect with another person. That's the magic.

Vocabulary Section: (You can skip this and go to the conclusion if you want)

Basic Emotions:

• Angry
• Happy
• Sad
• Anxious
• Excited
• Afraid
• Surprised
• Disgusted
• Grateful
• Proud

Nuanced Negative Emotions:

• Frustrated
• Overwhelmed
• Disappointed
• Resentful
• Envious
• Jealous
• Ashamed
• Guilty
• Embarrassed
• Lonely
• Rejected
• Insecure
• Vulnerable
• Helpless
• Hopeless
• Numb
• Empty
• Bitter
• Regretful

Mental/Cognitive States:

• Confused
• Lost
• Foggy
• Scattered
• Drained
• Exhausted
• Restless
• Distracted
• Overwhelmed
• Uncertain
• Doubtful
• Conflicted

Nuanced Positive Emotions:

• Content
• Peaceful
• Relieved
• Hopeful
• Inspired
• Energized
• Playful
• Confident
• Curious
• Amused
• Delighted
• Moved
• Touched
• Appreciative

Complex/Mixed States:

• Bittersweet
• Nostalgic
• Wistful
• Melancholic
• Ambivalent
• Apprehensive
• Cautious
• Defensive
• Guarded

Intensity Descriptors (to add nuance):

• A little...
• Somewhat...
• Quite...
• Very...
• Extremely...
• Mildly...
• Deeply...
• Intensely...

The reason I have given these vocab is the fact that it helps us describe exactly what we are feeling in the moment. This is the way you can be more emotionally aware and label the emotion so as to reduce its intensity and performative-ness

Conclusion: 

The formula is simple: Feel it, label it, and find your output. But simple doesn't mean easy. It takes practice to catch emotions as they arise, courage to name them honestly, and wisdom to know which channel, speaking, writing, physical activity, or delayed reflection, serves you best in that moment.

What makes this approach powerful isn't that it eliminates difficult emotions. You'll still feel anxious, angry, sad, or confused. The difference is that you won't be trapped by those feelings anymore. When you label an emotion, you create space between yourself and the feeling. You move from "I am angry" to "I'm experiencing anger." That shift, from being consumed to being aware, changes everything.

This is emotional intelligence in action. It's not about being positive all the time or suppressing what you feel. It's about acknowledging the full range of human emotion and giving yourself permission to feel it all. Because when you can name your shyness, you can also access your confidence. When you can label your anxiety, you can also feel your excitement. The same emotional system that creates discomfort also creates joy.

Start small. The next time you feel something uncomfortable, pause and name it. "I'm feeling frustrated." "I'm feeling uncertain." "I'm feeling anxious." Say it out loud if you can, write it down if you can't. Then notice what happens. The emotion doesn't disappear, but its grip loosens. And in that space, you find yourself again, authentic, present, and free to respond rather than react.