HARD CHOICES, SELF AWARENESS, PROCESS

Alright, so today we are going to talk about easy and hard choices. How important it is for all of us to take the hard choices in life which might not feel that good in the moment but will pay off in the long run. So let's start our conversation about the same. The thought about this came in when I was watching Sanju Samson bat and I realised that he is not doing justice to the role. Meanwhile, Ishan Kishan was playing wonderfully well at the moment. It was a natural question that once Tilak Verma comes in the side, who gives the place to that talented batter once he is back. It was a question that pondered in my mind. Just before the World Cup Ishan Kishan played wonderfully well against the NZ series, however, and in the moment, I felt like Ishan Kishan should be playing in place of Sanju Samson. Interesting thought.

However, as I pondered over the thought, I realised that Ishan Kishan is someone who has done well in the recent series, has been in extraordinary form, and in the moment Ishan Kishan just made sense. However, as we move forward here, the reality of the situation is that Ishan Kishan feels right in the moment, however, we should not forget Sanju Samson as he brings the right left combination up the top order. Having Ishan Kishan will mean Ishan, Abhishek, Tilak all left handers at the top. Sanju Samson gives a combination a right hander in the middle which makes sense. Moreover the management has backed Sanju Samson over the last few years and suddenly in a big tournament like World Cup, you want to continue backing him. This gives stability to the squad. It's a message from the dressing room that we will back you to play your shots. I believe that's quite an important part of a team game. The dressing room environment. We need to have an environment that's supportive to each other's game and yet competitive in order to improve each and every player. 

Hard choices in life

Similarly, even in life we should be thinking in terms of long term choices for us. For example watching TV might feel right in the moment but not for the long run. Playing video games might feel right in the moment but not in the long term. Whereas going to the gym might feel bad in the moment, but good for the long term. Reading might feel bad in the moment, but not for the long term. Understanding concepts using videos might feel bad in the moment but not for the long term. Understanding cooking might feel bad in the moment but not for the long term. One has to understand that life is built upon taking hard choices that are right in the long run. Even if they feel difficult at the moment. Being emotionally attached to someone might feel right in the moment but not in the long run. So one should be always aware of the choices that they are taking and better choices for the long term are an extremely crucial part of life. 

Dopamine Sickness

In today's world we are dopamine sick. We get so used to the dopamine that we get phone and social media that we forget doing the hard things in life. The hard things in life is all about sticking at one place for one hour. It's about focusing on work, when there are so many distractions calling for our attention. It's about staying in the zone. It's about creating value and not consuming value. It's about developing our skills and talents. It's about really really making something great in our lives. It's about not getting addicted to anything. It's about developing products that users love using. It's about finding happiness in giving. The more you give the better you get at giving. I call this idea where people are finding excuses to be on social media. That to me is the most unattractive thing in the world. We don't want to get addicted to social media. We want to get addicted to writing code and developing software. We want to get addicted to get financial education. We want to get addicted to reading books. We want to get addicted to grounding. We want to get addicted to deep breathing. The more you get addicted to the good things, naturally the negative things will get out of your life. 

Silence

In today's world I feel silence is something that we don't usually get. So it's important to create silence and structure in our lives. The more structured we are the better. Cooking at the right time, eating at the right time, going shopping at the right time, planning at the right time all of the things matter a lot more than we think. It's this structure that helps us know where our direction is going in life. What I mean by structure is that we want to learn the basics first of everything. You always learnt the abc first and then got better with other things in life right. Similarly, you need to understand system design with depth. Understand concepts like security in depth and then you will know that there's joy in learning and developing. Reading in silence is one of the finest things in the world. We want to be quiet while reading. We want to develop this persona that reading is essential for living. It's not a good to have, it's a must have. It's like breathing. Going to the gym is mandatory. 

There has to be certain things in our lives that bring structure. For example, the gym, the reading for one hour, the writing for one hour. Everything that brings structure that makes you more masculine in life. That kind of development as a person will improve us as a person and as a software developer too. 

Things do not go right

First of all, one needs to understand that things might not go right all the time for us. There will be things where we lose ourselves. The way we do certain things can be wrong. I remember Michael Phelps said this one line:  “I think goals should never be easy. They should force you to work, even if they are uncomfortable at the time.”

This means that goals should not be easy. For example, you might have a goal of getting to the next level at your job. That goal should force you to go out of your comfort zone. You should be having processes that support your goal. For example, coding and writing software when others are chilling. You need to sit for one hour reading about good software companies, you need to  sit for one hour understanding different technologies, the more you learn, the easier it is to develop good software. One should also stay humble in the process. 

Remember goal without a plan is just a wish. One should simply focus on their goals as things go. Structure is what anchors you in moments that are hard difficult and chaotic. When I talk about structure, I usually mean daily routine and grounding, but it can mean anything to anyone. So be structured, practice as much as you possibly can. 

Focus on the process

I might be drifting out here from hard choices. But in order to make hard choices easier, we need to be a little bit boring. We need to focus on the process and let results take care of itself. After all, when you are doing the learning that's important for becoming a better software engineer, you will naturally go to the next level. When you are understanding the concepts really well, when you are not context switching, when you are in the zone and contributing to the team, you will become indispensable to the team. 

Moreover, I would like to say that anchor in Bhagavad Gita out here, "You are never entitled to the fruits of the actions, you need to focus on the actions". That part of Bhagavad Gita is beautiful. It tells us to focus solely on the process. For example giving a good speech can be an outcome, but practicing will be a process. When you are practicing you are developing your skill. No one will clap when you are developing that skill. But once the skill is formed and it's producing the value in the world, that's when the world will clap. Remember, what we do is not for attention, but for intention. 

Action steps: 

As we all know it's great to talk about this in terms of the theory. But as they say, action always speaks louder than words. So let's talk about the actions that we need to take in order to take hard choices, avoid easy choices that feel good in the moment, create silence and structure, and truly truly focus on the process based on the goals.

1. Define the process: It's really easy to get carried away in the storm when the process itself is not defined. You need to define the process in terms of your end goals. It's not about not having goals, but about recognising that focusing on the process gets you the goals. So let's start. You have a goal of developing your body. 

Think of what you need: Good workout routine and Good diet. That's all. It's simple. But you also need the knowledge. 

How about this then: 

- Listen to someone like Jeff Nippard everyday for 30 minutes, understand what he thinks about different exercises and develop your routine accordingly. Sometimes it's about getting the basics right.

- Write everyday your plan for a period of 10 minutes and reflect on your goals.

2. Be aware of your choices: It's one thing to write in the morning about what would be the structure for today. It's another to really be aware of the choices that you take every single moment. After a session of work, or of workout, or meditation, keep asking multiple times in a day before taking a choice, will this help me in the short term or the long term? The simple act of being aware will help you take better choices that might not feel good in the moment, but good for the long term.

3. Make a mistake sheet: We are all human and it's inevitable that we will make mistakes. It's a part of the process. This mistake that I am talking about is not a mistake in your work. For example, you might have gone wrong in developing a software in the most optimised fashion. That's fine. What I am talking is that you might have made a mistake that will not calm your nervous system. For example, watching instagram would be a mistake if it introduces lust. Watching Tv would be a mistake if that makes you lethargic. Hanging out with less ambitious people would be a mistake if that makes you less ambitious. Having less friends is okay. But quality friends are important according to me. This mistake sheet will be a list of things you went wrong with in a day. That will always remind you to do better the next time. 

4. Knowledge: You might have areas of weaknesses in different domains. I believe that's okay. Having weaknesses is quite normal. But the best way to combat these weaknesses is to focus on the knowledge. For me, I workout but do not get good results for some reason. It does not mean that I am inconsistent, maybe I do not have the right knowledge on how to workout to see results. Remember if you have the knowledge of software engineering and if you keep increasing that knowledge, it will be very hard to overtake you in that field. 

5. Find out ways to help others: In order to become a good leader, the first and foremost thing is conquering yourself, your impulses, your ways of working, your knowledge, etc. But after that's done, you have to find a way to mentor other people. To challenge other people to think better, to make keynotes better, to read faster, to develop people into better engineers, after all that's an important quality of the leader. That is also a process. 

6. Positive mindset: I am sure positive mindset will come as a result of the process and the confidence that you gain out of that. But even before that, when things don't go your way, remember a few mantras: 

- Opportunity in adversity..

- If you can see the positive in a negative situation you win

- You are your thoughts

- Think win and you have won the game

- Think process not outcome

- I can (can do mentality)

7. Maintain Structure at all times: Remember there might be days that are hard, there might be days that are easy. It's easy to maintain structure on the easier days. However, the days which are emotionally challenging, that's the most important part where structure helps. It will anchor you to do the same things over and over again. You will become an expert at something and there's a lot of joy when you are an expert at certain things, you will be able to provide more value. People will respect you more. Development will become easy. Remember knowledge is power and maintain structure. 

Conclusion: 

As I have spoken about multiple things out here, the core message remains the same: Do the hard things. Be aware of your choices. Maintain Structure. It's the process that gives you the results.